What is what to do when your child says they hate you?

When your child says they hate you, it's a painful experience. Here's a breakdown of how to handle it:

• Stay Calm: Your initial reaction is crucial. Avoid getting defensive or angry. Take a deep breath and try to remain calm. Reacting with anger will only escalate the situation.

• Don't Take It Personally (Initially): While it feels personal, often it's an expression of frustration, anger, or hurt unrelated directly to you as a person. It's often about the situation or a feeling they can't articulate. Consider it a sign they're struggling.

• Listen and Validate: Focus on understanding what's behind the statement. Ask open-ended questions like, "What's making you feel that way?" or "Can you tell me why you're saying that?". Validate their feelings, even if you don't agree with their assessment of the situation. Acknowledging their emotions is important.

• Avoid Dismissing Their Feelings: Don't say things like, "You don't really mean that" or "That's silly." This invalidates their feelings and shuts down communication.

• Consider the Context: Is there a specific event that triggered the statement? Are they going through a difficult phase like adolescence? Are they generally struggling with their emotions? Understanding the context helps you respond appropriately.

• Set Boundaries (Later): While validating their feelings is important, you can still set boundaries. After they've calmed down, you can say something like, "I understand you're angry, but saying 'I hate you' is hurtful. We can talk about your feelings without using hurtful language." You might need to revisit the concept of Communication Skills and expectations with your child during a calm time.

• Focus on the Underlying Issue: "I hate you" is often a symptom, not the root cause. Dig deeper to find out what's truly bothering them. Maybe they're feeling unheard, misunderstood, or overwhelmed. Addressing the underlying issue will be more effective than focusing on the statement itself.

• Apologize If Necessary: If you've made a mistake or acted in a way that hurt them, sincerely apologize. A genuine apology can go a long way in repairing the relationship.

• Seek Professional Help If Needed: If this becomes a frequent occurrence or if you're struggling to manage the situation, consider seeking guidance from a Child Psychologist or therapist. They can provide support and strategies for improving communication and addressing underlying emotional issues.

• Show Unconditional Love: Even when your child is acting out, continue to show them love and support. Let them know that your love is not contingent on their behavior.

• Practice Self-Care: Hearing those words is tough on a parent. Make sure you are taking care of your own emotional well-being. Talk to a friend, partner or therapist to process your own feelings.